Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Wednesday Weigh-In (The First)

The scale does not measure my self-worth.

When I am losing weight, I am focused, focused, focused on that and almost nothing else (which may be why all the Christmas stuff is still packed away).

That's just the way I am, though. I can hyper-focus on anything that interests me. I can hyper focus on anything: scrapbooking, housecleaning, budgeting, even laundry for short bursts. The hard thing for me is doing everything I supposed to do as well as something I'm intensely interested in. Like, housecleaning and budgeting and learning about the paleo diet and exercising.

In this environment of hyper focus, though, the scale can become, well, god. It is the arbiter of all decisions, it is feed back, it is the measure of all I have done and not done this week, it dispenses praise (and blame), it determines whether I have been good or bad, it accuses, it absolves.

That's all nonsense. Of course. Right?

It tells me a number--and do you know what that number really is? It's not how many calories I ate this week. It is not how many hours I slept. It doesn't even tell me how much fat vs. how much lean muscle tissue there is in my body. Nope,  the number is actually a measure of the force of gravity on my body. That is all.

It is hard to remember that, though. I want that number to go down, every week, and not by one pound or two, but by lots and lots. Then, it tells me I did everything right. I got to bed on time, I  exercised as much as I should have. I handled my stress properly, I ate as I should have. And the truth is, if the number is going down, then I did do everything right.

It is vital information. I started this thing 100 pounds overweight. I am still over 200 pounds. You could argue that as long as my clothes continue to get looser, I don't need the scale. But, while I think that's excellent advice for folks who need to lose about thirty punds or less, for those of us, folks in this for a year or more? We need better and more frequent reenforcement.

That number on the scale gives us a chance to course correct before the bad habits overwhelm the good ones once again. Sometimes I'd already know that before I stepped on the scale, but sometimes not.

Like, right now. I am not measuring my food. I have no idea what my caloric intake is. I am still following the whole30 protocol--and adding in the odd item here and there to see how I respond. A few days ago it was dairy. Today, I think I'll have popcorn (with butter and salt).

So, weighing in is my feedback. I've done it every day since I finished my whole60.

But it is not a measure of my worth. I am not "good" or bad" based on what I eat, don't eat, my exercise, my sleep, my stress level. Nuh uh.

So, as long as we've got that straight, here are the numbers for this Wednesday's weigh-in:

HW: 252.6 (Sept 30, 2012)
CW: 227.4
GW: 140's
Height: 5'5"
Age: 48

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