Meditation Day 6: On Success

Northern Coast of California source



Three Questions:

What is your definition of success?
When I acheive something I intended to do, that is success. If I acheive something I wanted, but I didn't do it by way of intentional action, then it was a lucky accident!
 
What do you need in your life to make you feel more successful?
I need some challenging goals.

What would it take to accept that everything you need, want, and desire is already within you?
My happiness is within me.
My joy is within me.
My satisfaction is within me. So is my dissatisfaction!
My ability to love, to serve, to connect is within me.
My creativity is within me.

But is everything I need, want and desire already within me? 

I believe this is true--to a point. How I respond to someone's behaviour is within my control, of course, and by changing my response to another I can change how she or he will treat me. But not always. Other people are just not "within me." I'm not sure there is anything that could convince me that the above is absolutely true.

I keep seeing a little house on a sandy/rocky beach in what I imagine to be Northern California--like the picture I found via google above. I know it is entriely possible for me to go and live there someday. If it is what I want above all else, I can make it happen. All I need to do is get on a bus and go. The trick is to have that cottage and my kids graduate high school, my husband and his job which keeps us in food and clothing (not to mention, shelter!). I cannot have all I want simultaneously--I cannot have everything I want all at the same time. Hate to be a downer, but again, I don't believe there's anything that would make me believe that the satisfaction of every need, want and desire is within me--in so far as it is a true need, want or desire. That is, if I give up the dream of the cottage on the coast which is certainly within my power, then I have dissolved that desire--not satisfied it! At least, I think that's the intended meaning of the above statement. If I am merely to accept the fact that my needs, wants and desires are within me, and no where else, then, no problem, I accept that already!

The prologue to the meditation challenged me to find the "seeds of success" in the things which aren't working for me right now. That would include 1) the daily writing I've paid to do in my writing course, 2) my morning routine which keeps the house decent and 3) working on my plans for Christmas and many other things, once I sit down and think about them. As for those three things, I really don't think it's more complicated than to just do them. Start the work. Do it. Dunno. No magic solutions are occurring to me!

Day 45, Nov 14

Can I have a woot?

Look at that! 45 days of eating veggies, friuts, a few nuts, healthy fats and palm sized protein at three meals a day, every day.

No sugar
No artificial ingredients
No legumes
No grains
No dairy

Consistent energy.
More stable moods.
Vitality.
Strength. (some--long way to go, though!)

Nov 14, Day 45

Sleep

Lights out at 10:45pm last night, got up at 7:15am. I slept well, only waking up when my husband came to bed and when he left for work.

Total: 8.5 h

Food

8:00am Breakfast

Two egg frittata with onion, mushroom zucchini and spinach. Black coffee.

Noon Snack

A few cashews and raisins.

12:50 Lunch

Asparagus, last night’s lemon roasted chicken and MJ’s mashed cauliflower (1).

6:15pm Supper

Mel Joulwen’s Pork Carnitas (2) with braised cabbage and onion, and mashed cauliflower w/ghee.

Fullness after eating: 8.5

Activity

I spent most of the morning cleaning up the kitchen, including mopping the floor which just about did me in. Actually, it did. I spent the rest of the day reading paleo blogs on the computer. I’m going to have to see my chiropractor again tomorrow, I think. I did my meditation today, though I am woefully behind.  

Mood

Surprisingly good, given the pain in my back.

(1)    http://www.theclothesmakethegirl.com/2012/11/07/mashed-cauliflower/

(2)    http://www.theclothesmakethegirl.com/2011/04/29/stovetop-pork-carnitas/

Nov 13, Day 44

Nov 13, Day 44

Sleep

In bed at 10, lights out about 10:30pm. Slept too long. Up at 9:30am.

Total: 11 h

Food

11:00am Brunch

½ can sardines, leftover cauliflower rice mixed w/ leftover roasted root vegetables, butternut squash w/ghee, strawberries.

Fullness after eating: 7.5

4:15ish Snack

Handful of cashews.

6:30 Supper

Roasted Lemon chicken, roasted carrots and parsnips, steamed spinach.

Fullness after eating: 8

Mood

I’m bummed about my back. I have to ask people to put my socks on for me, tie up my boots, bring up the laundry hampers from the basement, and pick up things off the floor. I was just feeling somewhat independent again, too.

After 44 days on this eating plan, I’m beginning to feel a bit bored. I’m also worried my husband is going to do the whole30 just to please me and not because it is something he wants to do for his own sake.  I don’t want him to blame me if it isn’t entirely pleasant.

I’m also a bit depressed because the state of my house is driving me crazy. I really want to give it a tidy and an energetic cleaning, but I’m scared of the pain of bending, even slightly. I’m also in need of “alone” time—my husband has had the last three days off.

Activity

Not long after writing the above, I decided I’d be extra careful and work out to a Leslie Sansone video. I am so glad I did. 2 “miles” of exercise (30 minutes of cardio) and I’m feeling a lot less blue. I’m also feeling a whole lot calmer about things.

Nov 12, Day 43

Nov 12, Day 43

Sleep

Lights out at 10:00pm? I don’t remember. I was able to sleep in which was reat because my bck hurt too much to get out of bed this morning until 8:30am.

Total:  10 ½ h

Food

9:30am breakfast

Squash, ½ of a 4 egg frittata with peppers, onions, zucchini and mushrooms fried in ghee.

Fullness after eating: 8

2:00pm Lunch

Leftover ham, roasted roots, and broccoli.

Fullness after eating: 7.5

6:30pm Supper

Roasted beet and onion salad, ham and onion pie, steamed broccoli.

Fullness after eating: 8.0

Activity

Saw the chiropractor today about my back. Feeling much better. I’d love to do some exercising today, but I feel I should take it easy. A walk would be great but I haven’t got proper socks ready for my new calf-high winter hiking boots. (I never, ever wear anything from the store without washing it first. I’ve had bad reactions to the chemicals in clothing—especially socks!)

Mood

My husband has said he'll "try" the whole30. This is making me very nervous.

Nov 11, Day 42

Sleep

Lights out at 10:15. Slept badly. Wakened at 9:30am

Total Sleep: 11 ¼ h

Food:

Brunch: 12:00pm

½ 2 egg frittata, (peppers, onion, zucchini), butternut squash, carrots.

Fullness after eating: 7.5

Supper: 6:00pm

Roast ham,  ¼ acorn squash, roasted roots, asparagus.

Fullness after eating: 8.0

Dessert:  8:00pm

½ avocado.

Activity:

Went to the cenotaph today to pay my respects. That meant being out in the cold (-17 C) for about an hour all told. I’m mentioning it because exposure to extreme cold makes me want to eat lots of sugar and fat and other  “comfort” foods and hunker down under a blanket.  No meditation today.

Mood:

Pretty good.  I am still bending very carefully so I don’t hurt my back. It’s feeling better but not 100%.

Nov 10, Day 41

Sleep:

In bed at 9:30 with a book, lights out at 10:15. Slept until 5:00am when I had to get up with my husband. (We have one vehicle and when I need it, like today, I have to get up and drive to work with him and then bring it home.) Back to bed at 6am. Up again at 8am.

Total Sleep: 6 ¾ + 2h

Food

8:30am breakfast

2 egg frittata w/mushroom, green and red peppers, onion. Butternut squash.

Fullness after eating: 8.5

12:00 lunch

Sausage w/fried onion, cucumber. I have no idea how this meal was prepared as it was provided for those of us doing the girl guide bottle drive.

Snacks: Banana, cashews, 2 mandarin oranges.

5:30 supper

Chicken breasts prepared with coconut oil,  mashed cauliflower, butternut squash, carrots. (Sorry, forot to take a photo)

Activity

Wrenched my back mid way through the morning. In pain the rest of the day.

Mood

I was fine until I put my back out. Then the pain plus the cold (-12 C) really got to me. At the end of the bottle drive, my car refused to start and I spent about an hour in the cold handling that. It was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Day 40

Nov 9, Day 40

 

Sleep:

In bed by 9:30 (yay!) Lights out at 9:50pm. Woke up when my husband left to go to work at 6am. Got up at 7am after hitting snooze once. (I like sleeping after I hit the snooze button. I’m semi-awake, semi-asleep and it just feels yummy.)

Total:  9h 10 min

Food:

7:15am Breakfast

Leftovers. Hooray for no cooking!  ½  can of sardines, the last of the spaghetti squash (with ghee),  and last night’s mashed cauliflower.

Fullness after eating:  7.5

11:30 Lunch

Roasted chicken back (and half the skin), mashed cauliflower and butternut squash w/ghee. Mint tea.

Fullness after eating: 8.5

2:30 Snack

Raisins and a few cashews. Peppermint tea.

6:30 Supper

Roasted herb salmon, mashed cauliflower , roasted root vegetables (sweet potatoes, carrots, rutabaga, parsnips coated in coconut oil),  steamed broccoli

Activity:

2 mile Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds video and Dave Draper’s Silver Lining Weight Workout for Beginner’s.  It was tough, today. I think, no, I know I had better form than when I did the exercises for the first  time a couple of days ago. Tough, but good. Feels like an accomplishment! There’s not enough of that in my life. I did my meditation today, too.

Mood:

Good energy, though I was awfully cold after visiting the dentist. Anxious that I’m not doing the daily assignments in my writing course.