Wednesday Weigh In: The Recommitted Edition

HW: 252.6 (Sept 30, 2012)
CW: 219.4 (-2.6 from last week)
GW: 140's
Height: 5'5
Age: 49

Wow. Happy dance.

After much hemming and hawing, I joined Roni's Diet Bet. I did it after an epiphany that sometimes a goal is worth having simply for the journey it will take us on. I may or may not win the bet, what matters most is that I'll do my best.

I've recommitted to eating between 50 and100 grams of carbs a day. Mark Sisson recommends that range for weight loss. (Weight maintenance is 100 to 150, and insidious weight gain happens from150 to 225 or so. Picture red flashing lights at around 300 grams per day. Danger!)

I also set a goal for working out: 30 miles this month. I know, it's a laugh compared to the way some work out, but I don't want to over do it. Anything I do I have to be willing to keep on doing: or the weight will come back.

In fact, that's one of the reasons I have never set actual weight loss goals in the past, like lose so many pounds in this much time, or weigh 216 by the morning of February 28th . I'd rather set goals which deal with my behaviour. The number is out of my hands.  It may or may not be whatever it needs to be. But, my behaviour is definitely within my control--and I need to be careful about what I do. One of the best pieces of advice for weight loss I ever picked up was "Do only what you're willing to do, for keeps."

So, this great experiment may backfire. March might see me stalled out again, unwilling to duplicate the effort I am putting in right now--or maybe not. At the end of it all I may be energised and motivated to keep going. Spring is coming and I want to meet it sleeveless and shameless.

Goals for 2013 and One Thing for January

I hardly know what to say.

Should I say I want to lose a ton of weight? 'cause I do. Will I? Well, we'll see, 'cause losing weight is not the most important thing in my life. I am currently 229 lbs. It's great. I can put on my own socks and tie my shoes, I don't have to ask my husband to slow down any more when we go out for a walk together -- I am quite happy in this skin I'm in -- and the urgency is gone.

But would I be disappointed if I am still 229 next year? Well, yes. I have it in the back of my mind that I'd like to do a tough mudder the year I turn 50 which is next year, 2014. I could view this entire year as being in training for it.

I want to focus on sleep, my relationships with my immediate family, expressing my creativity, becoming stronger, a better housekeeper, a better cook. I want the whole family to be healthier. I haven't worked any of this out into a concrete SMART formula, I haven't made any decisions about what, for example, "strong" looks like. Obviously, I haven't made any plans for how to acheive any of them.

Most of all? I want this year to be calm. I want to make changes--but I want to achieve them without becoming frantic or stressed.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm enrolled in a goals setting class at Simplify 101, so I know it will all get worked out.

The One Thing?

Sleep.

I just finished reading Lights Out, Sleep, Sugar and Survival. It is an odd book. Amusing. Frightening. The premise--that we are making ourselves sick by living in an endless summer of light makes sense to me, even if I got a bit lost at times in the metaphors.

So, for January, I intend to sleep 9 hours a night. Starting tonight.

Goals for December

It's time to set some goals, again.

Eating:

Stay Compliant (with a few exceptions).
Except for the days I am re-introducing and testing my tolerance for the foods I used to eat, I will be whole30 compliant until Dec 18, when my husband finished his whole30. After that, I will bake date squares and apple crisp and probably a few cookies with the kids. I will not go crazy. I want whatever my weight is on Dec 18th to be my weight on January 9th (my birthday). On January 10th or so, I plan to resume the whole 30.

I will continue to log my food, but not here!

Weighing:

Keep Track.
I want to join the folks over at Roni's Weigh and post my progress every Wednesday. I will go back to weighing daily, though. I believe that for me making weigh-in a daily practice keeps me informed and aware. I don't really have emotional issues with the scale--at least not yet. I'd like to make a graph, too.

Exercise:

Build Strength.
I want to continue with the 2 mile, 1/2 hour Walking workouts by Leslie Sansone. I would like to add a three mile workout once a week: but if I don't, it's no big deal. I want to keep my workouts realistic and whatever I do, I want to see myself continuing to do it after I lose weight. So, the exercise has to be done for it's own sake--not for the sake of losing weight.

I am eager to add in some circuit training with the Jillian Michael's for Beginners workouts as well as more weight bearing exercises. I'm not sure how I'll be scheduling it. Would two weight bearing sessions a week be enough for now?


I have been reading that weight gained during the holiday season is weight that is never, quite completely ever lost. So, at the very least, I plan not to gain any weight at all between now and January 10th.

Goals

I've had two reminders to set some goals for myself these past few days.

The first was on Robb Wolf's blog where in a post about losing weight, he talked about having a performance goal. The other was part of my daily message in the 21 Days of Meditation series by Depak Chopra. The centering message was

"Today, I embrace my potential to be, do, and have whatever I can dream."

We were encouraged to picture what it was we wanted in as much detail as we could muster.

I've really had to think about it.

As far as performance goes, I want consistent energy and stamina throughout my day. I don't want to be tired and grumpy after a day of friggin' housework, I want to feel deliciously tired after working my buns off. I want to feel strong and capable.

But I want to feel strong and capable not just physically, but emotionally, too. I want to face whatever comes my way with lightness and humour. That may seem trite, shallow or just lame--but not to someone who has ever had to wrestle with the black dog--or who lives with teenagers--am I right?

Would I like the Universe to bring me lots of money so we could live wherever we'd like in the world? Of course. Would I like the universe to bring me a few more friends? Yes.

But I'd also like the universe to give me something good so I can turn around and share it with everyone. And that has very little to do with the Universe, and everythingto do with me.

Reasons to Lose Weight

I am incredibly reluctant to post this out here, in public. All of these "reasons" point to things I can't do now, or, at least, can't do very well. They point to things I don't have, pleasures and activities I have had to give up as my body has become larger, my joints weaker.

I feel ashamed of my size and weight like never before--and I want the shame to end. I want to be proud of my body and what it can do. I want to be strong and free.

The recommendation to create a list of reasons comes from Judith Beck's book, The Beck Diet Solution. Beck uses her training in cognitive therapy to address issues surrounding dieting. It is a bit disappointing, in that way. I had hoped she would use cognitive therapy to deal with food issues more generally--but perhaps she will. I'm not too far into it, yet.

I was introduced to cognitive therapy when I was in high school, if you can believe it. I used it fairly successfully to counter catastrophic thoughts. I was in therapy a lot in my twenties!

Nonetheless, others recommend making a list of advantages, or reasons when setting out to change. So without further ado, here's mine.

Reasons to Lose Weight:

1. I'll be more mobile--better able to ride a bike and walk.

2. I'll be able to stretch and reach my feet to tie my shoes and clip my toenails.

3. My knees won't hurt as much.

4. My back won't hurt any more.

5. I'll have more energy.

6. I'll enjoy sex more.

7. I'll be able to do my business better.

8. I'll be in better health.

9. I'll look better.

10. I'll be more attractive.

11. I'll be able to wear smaller clothes and thus have more options about what to wear!

12. I'll be pleased and proud when I look in the mirror.

13. I'll get joy out of shopping for clothes.

14. I won't feel so self-conscious everywhere I go.

15. I will enjoy swimming again.

16. I'll be able to set an example to my children of self-change and empowerment.

(Beck recommends I read these 2x a day. I have set the site 43things to send me an email with this list every day.)

The Goal(s)

Let us be clear.

The goal is not to lose weight.
The goal is not to lift weights.
The goal is not to run, walk or jog.
The goal is not to meditate, or write out my feelings or, even, keep the blog.

The goal isn't even happiness.

The goal is to find my body in balance.

No, not even that.

The goal is to find a life in balance which is manifested by my body. For my body is a reflection of my thoughts as they determine my actions towards health and joy--or away from it.

In two and a half years, (the target date is my 50th birthday in January 2014) my mind is free from thinking about and obsessing about eating. The what, when and how will all be resolved, a matter of habit, on automatic pilot.

In two and a half years, my emotions are being handled appropriately. I am processing and responding in ways that promote health and high function--not death, dis-ease and dysfunction.

In two and a half years (and hopefully sooner) my body is free from pain and awkwardness, it doesn't hold me back from doing anything I wish and it looks the best it possibly can given that this is my body with my history and genetics.

They say I am what I eat: but I am also what I think, what I feel and how I act.

And so we begin.

weight: 256.8 lbs